5 ways to have engaging conversations that leave everyone feeling great

I have an animated and enthusiastic speaking style which works well for a stage and debates, but I’m aware it might feel overwhelming in smaller groups. I met with a Communication Specialist to improve my skills in 1:1 conversations. Here are 5 actionable tips.

1. Don’t get lost in your monologue

When you get caught up in your ideas and enthusiasm, you might be feeling great! However, the other person might feel like you’re throwing balls at them endlessly without waiting for them to catch the ball, and throw it back at you.

Pause to let them catch the ball, and throw it back at you. Have a dialogue, not a monologue.

2. Be mindful about the other person’s energy

We want to express our most authentic selves, while giving space for others to feel comfortable in their own skin. How fast are you speaking compared to the other person? How much energy are you radiating? How hyper are you?

Be mindful of the other person’s energy, and try to meet them where they are. This mindfulness also helps us be more aware of their feelings and state of mind.

3. Help people discover their own energy, not just your energy

People sometimes tell me that they feel energised after chatting with me. While that sounds like a compliment, there’s a flipside. They felt my enthusiasm, but did they feel their own? After all, their own energy is more enduring.

The best conversationalists help people to discover and feel their own energy, rather than imposing their own.

4. Listen actively with a clean slate

People want to feel seen and heard. Let them speak. Do not judge. Even when they are asking you for guidance, they usually have the answers.

In conversations, we serve as a mirror. What do you want people to see when they look into this mirror? Give them a clean slate, rather than coming at them with all your opinions.

5. Ask people about themselves

There’s nothing people like more than to talk about themselves, and it’s a topic they’re most familiar with. They’ll feel your interest in them as a person, and leave the conversation feeling like they spent valuable time with you and with positive feelings.

If you have any other tips that you find useful, feel free to share them in the comments. Cheers to great conversations!